Have you ever felt like you are arguing within yourself about a topic or decision that your logical mind says should be easy to decide or act upon? You're not alone. Let's break this down and see what can be the cause and what to do about it.
Everyone has underlying beliefs and patterns running in the background of their consciousness. Some serve them in their current lives, and others do not. Subconscious beliefs can serve us by helping us feel confident, capable, and motivated.
To be clear, patterns of thoughts or beliefs we create while the brain and nervous system are still developing are a different language, so to speak, than what we create when we have cognitive and intellectual abilities that create language and logical thought. The language of the brain and nervous system is synaptic, or visceral - a felt sense process. Over the years, we have come to understand this in psychology, science, and medicine.
This is why we cannot simply talk about a past event, and then get over it. Or, the reason why just telling ourselves, or others telling us that we are loved, of value, or good enough, doesn't seem to resolve a person not "feeling" it, and then acting and responding accordingly. There is an effect of subconscious beliefs on behavior and decision-making that is integrated viscerally, in our body and nervous system.
The brain is not fully developed, on average, until a human is 25 years old, and it is the same for our nervous system. The human nervous system continues to develop significantly after birth, with the most rapid growth occurring in the first few years of life, and notable changes persisting through adolescence and even into adulthood, primarily through the process of synaptogenesis (creating new neural connections) and synaptic pruning (eliminating unnecessary connections) based on experience and learning.
What challenges us in adulthood, is having other traumatic experiences physically, mentally, or emotionally, and with an existing pattern of adaptation for survival and attachment programmed in the brain, body, and nervous system, it gets reinforced as a truth to the visceral system as necessary to the survival and operating program (brain and nervous system - the body).
The frontal cortex, responsible for complex cognitive functions like decision-making and planning, is one of the last brain regions to mature fully, continuing into the mid-20s.
Developmentally speaking, the wonderful news is that our brains have neuroplasticity. Meaning it is malleable or changeable. We are not stuck in, or with, our old programming.
Let's move on so we may see how we are empowered to make desirable changes.
Continuing, here are some examples of subconscious beliefs that can and do not serve us that may be developed based on our life experiences, learning, and adaptation.
Examples of subconscious beliefs that can serve us are:
Confidence
If you've succeeded in many areas of your life, you might subconsciously believe that you're confident and capable. This can help you feel more outgoing and confrontational.
Compassion
Your subconscious might believe that humans should help each other, act with kindness, and practice compassion when you have experienced and/or observed this type of behavior.
Progress
You might focus on the ways you've made progress, rather than just what you accomplished in a day. This can help you feel good about yourself and give yourself credit.
Examples of unconscious beliefs that don't serve us include: "I'm not good enough," "I'm not lovable," "I'm not worthy of success," "The world is a dangerous place," "People can't be trusted," "I need to be perfect to be valued," "I can't achieve my goals," "I'm not capable of change," and "I must always please others to be liked.".
Key points about these beliefs:
Limiting potential:
These beliefs often stem from childhood experiences and can hold us back from reaching our full potential by creating self-doubt and limiting our actions.
Negative self-talk:
Unconscious beliefs can manifest as negative internal dialogues that reinforce self-criticism and undermine confidence.
Impact on relationships:
Unconscious beliefs about others, like assuming people are untrustworthy, can lead to difficulties in forming healthy relationships.
Specific examples across different areas of life that these patterns affect and are translated into:
Career:
"I'm not qualified for this promotion," "I can't ask for a raise," "My opinion doesn't matter."
Relationships:
"I'm not worthy of love," "My partner will leave me if I'm not perfect," "I can't rely on anyone."
Social situations:
"Everyone is judging me," "I need to be the center of attention to be valued," "I can't say no to others."
A story example of how our subconscious patterns or beliefs can be developed begins in our early years:
Imagine you are a child who lives in a lower-income environment during a time when society projected an assumption that low income equaled lack of care, love, nurturing, or bonding between parent(s) and children, which implied that being lower income was wrong, bad, or potentially a crime or automatically unfit.
You're around the age of eight and playing in your living room while engaging joyfully with your parent. Suddenly, a stranger is pounding on your door speaking in an angry tone threatening to break open the door, when your parent goes to see what it's all about. You observe an angry man trying to push past your parent and reach out to grab ahold of you while pushing and striking at your parent.
Your parent tries to protect you, and a police officer is called and calms down the strange, angry man. You are directed to go with another person who is reported to be from protective services, the same agency the man is from, because they are representing the law, and you and your parent are required to do as you are told, no matter how frightening or unsafe you feel with these people.
Now imagine that they have taken you to a family that the workers are calling an emergency "safe" house. But, when the worker leaves, you feel all but safe because you are yelled at, threatened, called names, and isolated into a single room with two other children (called by similar demeaning names and labels) that were placed there too.
You experience being treated differently in a harsh way. You experience being called names, not permitted to eat the same food that their family has, and required to only be in the assigned room, or outside attending chores on their farm and property, or briefly in the assigned bathroom.
You become very sick with a childhood illness while in this home and are yelled at, belittled, threatened, and shamed for being ill, even when you fade in and out of consciousness. When taken to a local hospital and asked by nurses if you feel safe where you're living and finally let them know you do not, they are somehow convinced to send you back home with these people anyway, and not to safety, or back to your own family where you felt safe, loved, and cared for.
The idea of this can sound horrifying to an adult, let alone a child who is also still developing cognitively and takes in every experience somatically or viscerally, and often literally.
From this type of experience, some of the patterns of thought or beliefs that can be created as a sort of internal safety and protective mechanism to survive (stay alive and have one's needs met for physical survival), may be:
Don't speak unless spoken to, which later in life can develop into it's not safe to speak up for me or have healthy boundaries to get my needs met, or I am to only exist to serve the needs and please others - I have no rights to having my feelings, thoughts, body, wants, or needs.
Or, you have to have outside permission to be taken care of, be loved, to connect or contact those you love - which may become a belief that you are not worthy or deserving of love, care, or safety unless you prove it through doing what others tell you to do, first. Later in life, it creates internal conflict, and even the ability to accept that you too have innate worth and value, and deserve love, safety, and care, without having to do or perform in any way to receive it.
And again, the beliefs of, "I'm not good enough," "I'm not lovable," "I'm not worthy of success," "The world is a dangerous place," "People can't be trusted," "I need to be perfect to be valued," "I can't achieve my goals," "I'm not capable of change," and "I must always please others to be liked.", which later in life can translate to, "I'm not qualified for this promotion," "I can't ask for a raise," "My opinion doesn't matter," "I'm not worthy of love," "My partner will leave me if I'm not perfect," "I can't rely on anyone," "Everyone is judging me," "I need to be the center of attention to be valued," "I can't say no to others."
Some empowering patterns that might be developed out of the above negative experience could be:
Knowing the difference between genuine and feigned love or liking of oneself from others.
Being able to sense when words or actions of others have an underlying intention to just manipulate you to do, be, or say what they want to hear or experience to please them.
Being able to sense when people or an environment isn't safe physically, mentally, or emotionally, regardless of external appearances.
Being able to read subtle body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions that indicate if another is being honest, open, vulnerable, manipulative, deceitful, or insecure.
To recognize subconscious patterns or beliefs that aren't serving you, pay close attention to recurring negative thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, particularly when they seem illogical or disproportionate to the current situation you are experiencing. As well as identifying patterns in your reactions to certain people or situations, and using self-reflection practices like journaling or meditation to access deeper insights into your subconscious mind. If you notice consistent self-sabotaging behaviors, internally struggling to make decisions, or a tendency to avoid opportunities that align with your goals, it could indicate limiting subconscious beliefs.
Key strategies to identify subconscious patterns:
Observe your emotions:
Intense reactions: Notice situations where you have strong, immediate emotional responses, as these may be linked to deeply held beliefs.
Gut feelings: Pay attention to your "gut instincts" or uneasy feelings around certain people or situations, as they can signal subconscious discomfort.
Analyze your behaviors:
Repetitive patterns: Look for recurring behaviors that seem counterproductive or self-defeating, even if you consciously want to change them.
Self-sabotage: Identify instances where you might undermine your success or happiness.
Examine your thoughts:
Negative self-talk: Notice any internal dialogues that are critical or overly negative about yourself or your abilities.
"Should" statements: Pay attention to thoughts that begin with "should" or "must," which can indicate underlying pressure or expectations.
Reflect on past experiences:
Childhood events: Consider how early experiences may have shaped your beliefs and patterns.
Significant relationships: Examine the impact of important relationships on your self-perception.
Practice mindfulness and journaling:
Meditation: Use meditation to become more aware of your thoughts and emotions in the present moment.
Journaling: Write down your thoughts and feelings regularly to identify recurring themes and patterns.
In Summary, how to identify and change subconscious beliefs:
Listen to your thoughts: Consider whether your thoughts are serving you or hindering you.
Question your thoughts: Ask if your thoughts are accurate and logical.
Consider other perspectives: Ask if someone else might have a more rational perspective.
Focus on what you can control: Take action to focus on what you can control.
Examine outdated beliefs: Identify and break the cycle of outdated beliefs.
Plant new beliefs: Replace outdated beliefs with new beliefs that are aligned with your authentic self.
Some practical approaches and tools to help with identifying and changing those underlying, outdated beliefs, and survival mechanisms are:
Internal Family System (IFS) Therapy.
IFS therapy is a type of psychotherapy that helps people understand and heal their internal conflicts. It's based on the idea that the mind is made up of multiple sub-personalities, or "parts", that interact with each other. The goal of IFS is to help people find their core "Self" and restore balance and harmony. It is also called "Parts Work".
How IFS works:
Identify parts
IFS therapy helps people identify the different parts of their mind, including wounded parts, protective parts, and parts that try to control them.
Explore parts
IFS therapy helps people explore how these parts interact with each other and with their core "Self".
Heal parts
IFS therapy helps people heal their wounded parts and change the dynamics that create conflict.
Find the "Self"
IFS therapy helps people find their core "Self", which is the confident, compassionate, whole person at the core of each individual.
Who developed IFS?
Dr. Richard Schwartz developed IFS in the 1980s. He was inspired by his work as a family therapist, where he observed patterns in how people described their inner lives.
What are the benefits?
IFS therapy can help people understand themselves on a new level and heal. It can also help with pain, depressive symptoms, and self-compassion.
Shamanic Journeying.
Shamanic journeying can assist with parts work by providing a direct access point to the subconscious mind, allowing individuals to encounter and interact with different "parts" of themselves, often personified as spirit guides or aspects of the self, in a non-ordinary reality, enabling deeper understanding, healing, and integration of these parts within the psyche.
Key aspects of how shamanic journeying can help with parts work:
Accessing the Unconscious:
By entering a trance state through drumming or other rhythmic practices, shamanic journeying allows individuals to access deeper levels of consciousness where fragmented parts of the self might reside, making them easier to identify and engage with.
Meeting and Dialogue with Parts:
Within the journey, individuals can encounter these parts as distinct entities, allowing for direct communication and exploration of their experiences, emotions, and needs.
Soul Retrieval:
A core shamanic practice, soul retrieval can be used within "parts work" to locate and retrieve aspects of the self that may have been lost or disowned due to trauma, bringing them back for integration.
Healing and Integration:
By establishing dialogue and understanding the motivations behind different parts, individuals can work towards healing and integrating them into a more cohesive sense of self.
Power Animal Guidance:
During a shamanic journey, individuals may encounter power animals that represent different aspects of their personality, providing guidance and support in the process of parts work.
How it might work in practice:
Setting Intention:
Before starting a journey, clearly state the intention to connect with and work with specific parts of yourself that need attention.
Entering the Journey:
Shamanic Journeying uses drumming or other methods to enter a trance state and access the non-ordinary reality.
Meeting the Parts:
Navigate through the landscape of your inner world to find and interact with the parts you wish to engage with.
Dialogue and Understanding:
Listen to the stories and perspectives of each part, acknowledging their emotions and experiences, while no longer identifying with it as though it is what you are permanently.
Healing and Integration:
Offer support and compassion to the parts, helping them to feel heard and understood, and working towards integrating their positive qualities into your whole self.
Important Considerations:
Trained Facilitator:
While self-practice is possible, working with a trained shamanic practitioner, who is also trauma-informed, can provide guidance and support throughout the process, especially when dealing with complex issues.
Integration:
After a shamanic journey, it's important to spend time reflecting on your experience and integrating the insights gained into your daily life.
Root Cause Therapy.
Root cause therapy is a holistic therapy that aims to identify and heal the underlying causes of physical and emotional issues. It's a departure from traditional talk therapy, which focuses on processing past experiences, and instead uses techniques to release emotions and patterns that contribute to current issues.
Root cause therapy sessions can help people:
Reconnect with their body.
Through gentle questioning and compassionate inquiry, clients explore their symptoms and how they feel.
Release emotions
Clients can access and release unprocessed emotions somatically that may be causing unwanted thoughts, behaviors, and symptoms.
Gain insights
Clients can gain a new perspective on themselves and others and may notice that old triggers no longer have the same charge.
Root cause therapy sessions may include:
Talking about what's important to the client and what they want to get out of the session.
Briefly discussing events, traumas, and unhelpful patterns to link them to sensations in the body where, somatically, it may be stored and therefore released, shifted, or softened into change.
Using kinesiology (muscle testing) to check core beliefs, and somatic sensations to determine the intensity of a pattern of belief stored in the body.
Using guided imagery and breathwork, otherwise known as a part of somatic shamanism and shamanic journeying.
Bottom line insight: You are worthy and deserving of the best that life has to offer. Having the tools to shift how you consciously and unconsciously navigate life, empowers you to create the version of yourself and the life you desire, as possible.
There will always be challenges that arise in life. That is how we learn, grow, and evolve all together. However, why not find and utilize the means we have available in modern times, that also implement age-old wisdom in newfound ways that serve our highest good, and the highest good of all involved? You're worth it, so let's get started!
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